Thursday, July 12, 2012

Lucky # 7? Let's hope so

I can't believe that it's been one month since my last blog post.  I've literally spent every waking hour putting lamps back on tables and pictures back on shelves.  I've pulled countless items out of the toilet (and so have the plumbers) and tried my best not to absolutely lose my mind.  Summer vacation is a hit or miss in our house.  I'm glad that Nate has some time off from school to relax and be a kid, but the time off totally screws with him and he becomes an anxious mess because he doesn't know what to do with himself.  This results in a stressed out mom who can't even take a shower without wondering what's going to be broken when she's done.

So much has happened this past month (both good and bad).  I'll work on some updates soon!

Today seems like an appropriate day to post about Nate.  It's his 7th birthday.  How the heck am I old enough to have a 7 year old!?!?  I remember the day he was born and the months that followed.  I was completely blissed out, I was proud of my little family, and I was naive.  I had no idea that our lives with go down this type of path.  Although I still continue to go through the stages of grief, I have somewhat learned to accept the fact that I have a child who will most likely need special attention/services/therapies, etc for the rest of his life.  This is something I did not sign up for, but know I have to accept.  I still continue to get jealous of all my friends with typical children (yes, I know I have 1 typical child - shut up) and I still get angry about my situation.  I still get depressed when thinking about Nate's future, and still cry when I think about the fact that my child had a difficult time answering a simple yes or no question.  I still sometimes slip back into denial and think that he will eventually be "normal", and I still get very very very (extremely pissed off don't talk to me) angry.  Those feelings are all normal, and if I have learned to accept them as the stages of grief.  I am extremely thankful for my biggest monster.  He has taught me so much about life, patience, and acceptance.  He has brought an immense amount of joy to my life.

So, Nate's birthday is today.  We are taking him on a train ride on the Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad.  He absolutely loves trains, and has never been on one.  Matt thought it would be a great idea to give him a train ride for his birthday.  I really hope that he does well on the 3 hour train ride (update to follow!).

Thank you to all of you who have supported us through these past 7 years.  Thank you to all of you who have donated to Nate's Mates ( and thank you to all of you who continue to be our friends even though I push you away at my worst times.  I love you all!

Let's hope that year 7 goes better than the rest.

Happy Birthday Nathan, I love you with all my heart!!!