I'm Nervous

I'm really nervous and apprehensive about sharing such a big part of my life with the public.  The past 6 1/2 years have been rough for my family, and I don't know if they are going to get any better.  There is so much I want to write about, and all my thoughts are so overwhelming right now.  I guess to make things clear, I'll start with Nathan's diagnosis.

APRAXIA--It's not a word you hear often.  Speech delay, speech impediment, stutter, lisp...all common speech issues.  It figures that out of all of these, my son is dealing with the hardest to overcome.  

Nathan's primary diagnosis is Childhood Apraxia of Speech. Apraxia is a disconnect between what Nate's brain is thinking, and what he can actually say.  It is a motor planning problem that affects not only his speech, but his fine and gross motor movements as well.  

An easy way to put it is like this.  Nathan wants to tell me something...he's thinking "Mom, I want to go downstairs"  here's how it sounds "Ba, cooch" His brain knows exactly what he wants to say, but isn't able to form the tiny muscle movements in his tongue, lips, and jaw to get the words out properly.  He has all of the right words, but they are so very wrong.

Because he has fine and gross motor planning problems as well, Nate has difficulty writing, coloring, tracing, zipping, tying, and buttoning.  All the things that a "normal" 6 1/2 year old should be able to do.

The delays Nate has in speech make it very hard for him to communicate with others.  He understands exactly what is being said, and what is going on.  He wants to associate and play with kids his age, but the speech barrier is so difficult to overcome.  Because of his differences, he tends to play alone.  Knowing he's the "oddball" makes my heart break into a million pieces.  

I cry each and every day over my son.  Sometimes my tears are big and heavy, others they are short and quick.  Although I wish things were different and easier for him, I wouldn't trade him for the world. 

For more information on Childhood Apraxia, please visit

http://www.apraxia-kids.org/